I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
