worst night to have a conscience
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
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I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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