The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
