i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
