Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
