Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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