I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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