You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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