He uses pillows to masturbate.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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