where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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