And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
