I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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