I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
