Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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