At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
