I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
