Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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