my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
