Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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