just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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