I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
