I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
