Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
