Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
don't judge my taste in strippers
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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