Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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