My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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