yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
