I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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