You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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