Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
