Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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