smell my finger.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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