She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
