Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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