Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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