Who did Billy Mays play for?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
