At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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