she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
