Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
