really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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