saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
