I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
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Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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