Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
