sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
