I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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