If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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