Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
