It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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