Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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