Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
