please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
