don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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