Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
