I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize