just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
