oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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