elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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