I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
