Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
