Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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