There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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