He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
