next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
