everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
