Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
