oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
