its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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