I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
