I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
