Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
