Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
