My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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