pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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